her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
