Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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