Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
