I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
