Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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