shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
