everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The air was thick with penises
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
