my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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