1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
