I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
ok first of all what the fuck
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
