Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
