Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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