You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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