a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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