for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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