Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He felt like a one man threesome
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
