Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
