she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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