in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
