Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
