Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
