I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
