After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
