so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize