Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
