she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize