ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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