What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
