i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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