PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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