Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize