My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
