I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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