It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
