I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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