Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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