who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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