He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
