I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
50% drunk capacity currently
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
