I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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