I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
