Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I feel like death gave me a hand job
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
