Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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