things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You pole danced in your parka.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
