i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize