I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
