I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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