I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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