Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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