after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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