I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Panties = found
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
