o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
