sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
