Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
