TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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