i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
