): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
