We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
