Can Purell be used as lube?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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