Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
