Jerry, you need to find god
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
