You work out of a Hotel?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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