I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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