all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Can I color on your dick again?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
