But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
