i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize