I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
