I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
